Reviewed by Deeto

Earth Joker is the worst kind of failure. You can tell that the designers were striving for a decent little shmup, but they ruined the ENTIRE game, simply because of one stupid mistake, which I'll get to in a moment. Graphically, Earth Joker is nothing special. It's got your decent backgrounds, your decent ship design, and your decent looking bosses. Nothing memorable whatsoever. The whole game looks like something from 1987, which isn't good for a game made in 1993. Sound is a mixed bag. Music was unnoticable 90% of the time, with the sounds consisting of the MOST annoying laser firing and explosion sounds ever heard! I mean, you expect an explosion to be a 'boosh' or a 'blam', but you get a 'dask'!!

Things don't get any better gameplay-wise. You've got your 4 ships, all of which play mostly the same, sans the charge laser. And here's where things get REALLY bad. Your ship is VASTLY underpowered compared to the enemy. Enemies usually take about 2 shots to kill with your normal shot, and when they come in large attack formations of about 6 each.... well, that's 12 shots just to kill one formation. This could probably be negotiated if your charge laser was useful, but... and here's the major mistake I was talking about... your charge laser charges a milisecond too slow. Most of the times when you're killed, it'll be from you charging the laser, getting it full, letting go, and getting killed by an enemy on that EXACT moment. It absolutely blows, and there's no way of getting around your ship's incompetence, because getting a bomb requires you to actually survive for more then 2 minutes. To sum up, Earth Joker is like playing through a slightly faster, harder Raiden, with a slower and more useless R-9. Talking about this game makes me depressed. I need to go play Dangun now. Bye.

Wiah. Deeto wasn't kidding when he said the game was crap did he? Well I kinda enjoyed Earth Joker when I first played it, the way the graphics were done reminded me of something like SDF Macross. It was kinda neat, but I guess you can't have everything can you? :) - Felix the Cat

Echh, the game tries to pull you in with these little 'briefings' but they fail because they're boring as hell.

Well, this looks just great, doesn't it! Shoot down those planes, or else... uh... you'll get killed.

The most exciting shot I could possibly take of this game. Beware, this kind of Earth Joker goodness is only possible on stage 1. Anything past this stage, and you'll be dying, not playing.

Guess what. This battleship isn't the enemy's, and you can't blow it apart... it's yours! And all it does is sit there! ARGHHHHHHHHHH!

The game tries to scare you into thinking something cool is going to happen.

Wow, I actually managed to shoot this boss with my laser!

Explosion by Super Pixellated Inc.

The rest of the game just gets worse and worse, and I've actually played through all 7 painful stages of this pitiful game. Here's a hint to everyone else on Earth: DON'T!!!!!!!!!!!!


shmups!   © 1997 - 2007  Malcolm Laurie