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EARTHJOKER
VISCO - ARCADE
Reviewed
by Deeto
Earth Joker is the worst
kind of failure. You can tell that the designers were striving for a
decent little shmup, but they ruined the ENTIRE game, simply because
of one stupid mistake, which I'll get to in a moment. Graphically, Earth
Joker is nothing special. It's got your decent backgrounds, your decent
ship design, and your decent looking bosses. Nothing memorable whatsoever.
The whole game looks like something from 1987, which isn't good for
a game made in 1993. Sound is a mixed bag. Music was unnoticable 90%
of the time, with the sounds consisting of the MOST annoying laser firing
and explosion sounds ever heard! I mean, you expect an explosion to
be a 'boosh' or a 'blam', but you get a
'dask'!!
Things don't get any better gameplay-wise.
You've got your 4 ships, all of which play mostly the same, sans the
charge laser. And here's where things get REALLY bad. Your ship is VASTLY
underpowered compared to the enemy. Enemies usually take about 2 shots
to kill with your normal shot, and when they come in large attack formations
of about 6 each.... well, that's 12 shots just to kill one formation.
This could probably be negotiated if your charge laser was useful, but...
and here's the major mistake I was talking about... your charge laser
charges a milisecond too slow. Most of the times when you're killed,
it'll be from you charging the laser, getting it full, letting go, and
getting killed by an enemy on that EXACT moment. It absolutely blows,
and there's no way of getting around your ship's incompetence, because
getting a bomb requires you to actually survive for more then 2 minutes.
To sum up, Earth Joker is like playing through a slightly faster, harder
Raiden, with a slower and more useless R-9. Talking about this game
makes me depressed. I need to go play Dangun now. Bye.
Wiah. Deeto wasn't kidding when he
said the game was crap did he? Well I kinda enjoyed Earth Joker when
I first played it, the way the graphics were done reminded me of something
like SDF Macross. It was kinda neat, but I guess you can't have everything
can you? :) - Felix the Cat
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Echh, the game tries to pull you in
with these little 'briefings' but they fail because they're boring
as hell. |
Well, this looks just great, doesn't
it! Shoot down those planes, or else... uh... you'll get killed. |
The most exciting shot I could possibly
take of this game. Beware, this kind of Earth Joker goodness is
only possible on stage 1. Anything past this stage, and you'll be
dying, not playing. |
Guess what. This battleship isn't
the enemy's, and you can't blow it apart... it's yours! And all
it does is sit there! ARGHHHHHHHHHH! |
The game tries to scare you into thinking
something cool is going to happen. |
Wow, I actually managed to shoot this
boss with my laser! |
Explosion by Super Pixellated Inc.
The rest of the game just gets worse and worse, and I've actually
played through all 7 painful stages of this pitiful game. Here's
a hint to everyone else on Earth: DON'T!!!!!!!!!!!! |
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